the big questions

Seeing as the this whole busted rib episode has slowed me down, I’ve had a lot of time to think.

Most of the time I try to drown out that voice in the back of my head that asks the hard questions. Like:

Is this all there is to life?
Am I on the right path?
Is this job what I want to do forever?
Should I aggressively try to build up my own grooming business and work for myself?
Should I try to be a serious blogger?
What alternatives are available to me?
Why was I born?
Where is the chocolate?

Most of the time I succeed in silencing the voice.

Its easy enough to do.

I put on a dvd. I read a book. I make things.

Just looking at my To Do list is enough to befuddle my brain into numbness.

But the questions remain. Lurking. Waiting for that moment I let my guard down and don’t have a power tool or clippers in my hand to fend them off.

Really. What do I want to be when I grow up? I’m still asking myself that question. My body is slowly falling apart but my brain is still that of a lost 13 year old.

I’ve said this before and I stand by it: the more choices you have in life, the harder it is to make a decision.

I’m so lucky. I’m creative and there are so many things I love/like/want/enjoy doing. Its hard to pick just one and concentrate on it.

It irks me to see people with little talent and creativity make a success of their lives, but its cause they pick something and work at it. I take my creativity for granted… I can do almost anything I put my mind to, so I do something, master it, then move on.

Story of my life. Jack of all trades, master of none.

I do a little bit of everything and in the end, I get nowhere.

I can figure out how to do things and I can actually follow through with them. I even finish things occasionally 99% of the time. But how can I pick something and concentrate on that and become successful at that – in a way that translates into an income?

Ah.

Now there’s a hard question.

z

2 thoughts on “the big questions

  1. I didn't want you to think that your questions were hitting deaf ears. I'm listening. Sometimes, it would be great to have a mom who tells us what to do, but we would not listen to her (the second time around) and just do what we want to anyway. Besides, at 58, I should have grown up by now, and known what I will do with my life. Should I depress you and tell you that there is no hope that I can see? No. I will encourage you to continue on your journey to find that which makes sense. For you. Here's where I am. For years, I enjoyed crafts of all kinds. Several years ago, I enjoyed quilting and card-making/paper-crafting specifically. About two years ago, I lost interest in quilting and put my sewing machine and fabric away. About a year ago, I lost interest in playing with paper. I am on the computer too much. I look and don't do. There are wonderful ideas, and I don't use them. Recently, a few weeks ago, I decided that I will be going through all of my paper-crafting supplies. I will box up what doesn't interest me any more. I spent a lot of money on those things that are still in the packages, but it's time to move them out. If I have the slightest interest in an item, it stays. The stuff that goes will be put into another room, stacked up for a yard sale which we will have in the spring. It will be sad to see parts of my life go, but I think there is a plan ahead. By getting rid of what doesn't interest me now, I will open up to other possibilities. By removing things, I will be honing in on what I want to do. I will be removing choices. Hopefully, what remains are things that I will use in my new interests, even if I don't know what my new interests will be. Luckily, we have a little money that I can use if I find I need new and different supplies. Not everyone has that luxury, though. So, let's wish ourselves luck. We aren't going to figure out what we want and need in the next 24 hours, but we can consistently work toward a goal of figuring out what it is that we need. By the way, I have a Snickers bar on the shelf right here next to me that I'd be willing to share with you! Always gotta know where that next bite of chocolate is going to come from. There are Kisses in the pantry for back-up. Best wishes.

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  2. Wow. Thanks. Sometimes I do wonder if anyone ever reads the blog, and if you've been a follower for a while you know may have noticed my attitude towards blogging… how you have to be a certain type of person (a showoff?) to want to tell everyone about the things you do. Either that or have a hugely inflated idea of self, thinking everyone cares what you do! LOL

    I'm glad I'm not the only one (similar in age!) who's still not nearly settled in what I want to do or where I want to be. So far I have never gotten rid of craft/DIY stuff, but I have tried, mastered and given up countless things including roller blading, cycling, body building, rock and roll dancing, exhibiting and breeding standard poodles. Most of the time when I give something up its cause my life has taken a different turn or my body has drawn and line and forced me to quit. LOL Guess I better add 'horse riding' to that list since I can damage myself falling off my own feet!

    Anyway, thanks for your encouraging words, glad to know others are feeling the same. I will keep going and keep trying new things, cause I love doing and creating. Never give up! And thanks, I already found the chocolate! 🙂

    z

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