the blind – a win and a fail

blind1

I really hated the blinds the house had when we bought it. They were all like this above: cheap and salmon. Eek.

I made curtains for the other windows but never got around to doing it for this small window in the corner of the living room. Not only was it ugly and cold in winter, but to add insult to injury the blind broke so wouldn’t go up and down and would actually fall on you if you tried to raise it.

It was time it went.

Actually it’d been time it went about 7 years ago, but hey… I was busy, ok!

My idea was to make a padded blind, inspired by something I saw on the Ikea website in their ideas section. My plan was to use a dropcloth (I love the natural colour) and get some batting for the inner layer. I kept putting it off cause I’d have to buy the batting…

Then Romeo decided to help me out. When Montana began having continence issues I bought some cheap single bed doonas from Kmart and use those as dog beds. I fold them up and put them into covers and voila – instant, easy to wash and dry dog beds.

Well, when Romeo gets bored he loves to attack his bed… He ripped a hole in the cover and tore a whole section of doona, leaving me just enough for the blind! He wasn’t being naughty. He was being helpful!

blind2

This is the corner now, much better without the salmon blind. The pics aren’t the best but hey, I did the best I could. Don’t complain.

blind3

The whole thing wasn’t as easy as I thought. The doona made it quite unwieldy to sew and I can’t sew a straight line if my life depends on it.

I also made a couple of mistakes. The idea was that I’d use large hooks and put rings on the blind so you could chose how much you wanted it gathered. You know… halfway, three quarters, all the way, etc.

First mistake was in calculating the length, I didn’t take into consideration the hooks, so the blind is a big too long. Even when I replaced the hooks I planned to use with smaller ones.

blind4

The other error was where I put my rings. I put them on every crooked line when they only needed to go on every second one, and i needed one at the bottom which I missed. Oh well.

blind5

blind6

So, I have a very crookedly sewn, nice thick and warm blind which is helping keep the house warmer in the cold. Its a win… even if there are a few failures involved.

z

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this year’s christmas tree

Its not exactly what I’d planned, but I love it.

I had planned a 3D tree, made using old timber on a central rod. Then I found the old crib sides I used to use as dog barriers when I lived in Fentonbury and thought “hey, I’ll use the slats!”…

So I cut them up for branches. I drilled holes in the middle. I cut blocks to go between the branches. I drilled holes in those. I created a base for the rod. I put it all together and went “yeech”.

Then I found myself with all these cut up slats – luckily not all had holes in them – so I went for plan B.

And this is what I ended up with:

Pretty huh?

Yes, I know its a bit wonky… but you know me. Nothing is ever quite perfect. I’m of the ‘close enough is good enough’ school of DIY.

I used the base I cut the slats off as the bottom, I like the way it grounds it. I had to stick the trunk slat back onto the base so I used an old hinge.

I then decorated it with the timber stars I bought a few years ago and some brown, natural looking, florist wire I’d had for years (I knew I’d find the right project for it one day!)

Its hanging in the middle of the living room, right over the air conditioner. Basically, its on the only bare wall I have. I’d been wondering what I’d put there, well, problem solved for the next few weeks. Gives me time to think about future displays.

Did you notice I put the presents under the tree (on top of the air conditioner?) They won’t stay there. When I clean the old grate we use to hold firewood for the wood heater I’ll put the presents in that.
Don’t know about you, but I love wrapping presents. I’ve had a thing for plain brown paper for years now, adding different embellishments each year to pretty them up. This year I made large bows from burlap ribbon and a brown linen type ribbon.
The spotted paper was something I saw at a shop while browsing… I thought “I’m not paying that for wrapping paper!” so I made my own. I love the way it looks having plain and spotted paper wrapped gifts together.
I’m all excited now. I can’t wait to get stuck into getting the house ready for Christmas and mom’s visit.
I’ve already started in the garden. There’s been weeding and some new planting (to fill in gaps) and heaps of general cleaning in the yard. Still much to do on that front!
I’ve also started building my tv unit/room divider. 
Its a big job and I can’t believe I’m doing it, but after months, years even, of thinking about it and hesitating and doubting myself, I suddenly got hit with inspiration. Before I had time to rethink it I’d measured up and gone out and bought plywood.
Its half done now. I’m thinking it’ll be a work in progress. The base part is done except for putting the legs on. Then I can move it into the house. It’ll need polyurethane to protect it and I’ll need to do the back, but it can be used and I can rearrange the living room the way I’ve been planning to for ages!
Later I can build the rest of it. The idea is to make it so it can be pulled apart in case I want to move it one day, thus making it in 2 stages works for me.
But more on that later. When I have decent photos to share.
Other than that I’m doing great. Well, other than the wisdom tooth I had pulled out last Friday cause it was loose (and turns out it had an abscess). And the fact that its now more sore than it was on Saturday. Thank goodness for strong pain killers! 
I’m falling apart.
z

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white eyelet curtains

A friend of mine at work once asked if I accepted charity. I said sure, I’m not too proud. Anything you don’t want, give it to me. Old things, broken things, whatever. I’ll most likely want them.

After all, I’ve worked hard to earn a reputation as a junk-addicted crazy poodle lady.

So, when my equally crazy friend Patrice asked if I’d like the old curtains from her living room, I said yes. Of course.

I’d admired those curtains before. I love eyelet curtains and I love white curtains (says the woman who bought metres and metres of grey and silver curtain fabric to make curtains for the living room). Anyway, they’re not old. She’s only had them for about a year.

Worst thing wrong with them was the bit of cat hair on the bottom, but hey, whats a few cat hairs between friends?

She also gave me a few plastic curtain rings and a couple of brackets to re-hang the dark grey curtain over the door … that’s our front door, the one we never use to walk in or out of the house, and it lets in so much cold wind in winter that I always hang a curtain over it. This year I couldn’t find the curtain I’d used last year with its rings and brackets so I improvised. Not always a good thing. I had to take it off and put it up again, but it works better now.

But back to the white curtains Patrice gave me. They’re nice and long so I did what I’ve never done before and hung them up as high as I could. We have a  pretty low ceiling in our living room so that’s not really high, but turns out its the right height for the curtains. No hemming needed.

Patrice, bless her little cotton socks, also gave me some plasterboard toggle thingies for mounting the brackets. Well, after mucking around for ages, searching for the right brackets for the curtain, compromising on ones that ‘will do’ and fiddling with toggles and screws, I got them up.

All while listening to The Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood. Great movie.

I really like them.

Now I think I need to buy enough to do the other window which looks to the front of the house. They come ready-made as continuous curtains at Spotlight.

Next time I’ll make sure I have the right brackets… and the right plasterboard fittings.

That’ll make life easier.

Oh, I have a new drill. Its a cheapie that Wayne got me a couple of months ago. Its much lighter than my trusty old one which was probably my first power tool ever. And its got a chuck which is probably better for me as I can’t really hand tighten enough.

So there you go.

I finally did something.

z

new office blind, the cheap way

One project finished.

And what an adventure it was!

You already saw a preview yesterday…

This is what the blind in the office looked like before.

Salmon.

Like everything else in this house when we bought it.

Gack.

I wanted a new blind. I’ve been wanting a new blind forever, but since I made over the office its been a lot higher on my list of ‘wants’. But I didn’t want to spend a ton, or even a little…

Enter the painting the blind idea.

First I planned to paint stripes; paint the blind white, then paint stripes in pale grey with a distressed look… to kind of match the kitchen blind but to not be identical.

But I didn’t have any light grey paint. I did have aqua, so I mixed up a batch of light aqua and got ready to paint stripes.

Have I ever mentioned my bad relationship with numbers?

I hate measuring things… hence my slapdash creative methods.

Well, suffice it to say I stuffed up the stripes.

So, I did what any self respecting DIY-stuffer-upper would do… I painted the whole blind aqua.

Then I decided to try chevron … cause its so much LESS numerically demanding!

I have no idea what I was thinking. I was in the zone.

I looked up ‘how to DIY chevron easily’ on Pinterest and found a suggestion that I grid up first. I used a book as my ‘slightly off-square’ shape and pencilled in a grid.

I then used an off-cut of timber to achieve the width of my stripes… and very soon ended up totally off my grid.

Eh. No one’s perfect.

I masked off my stripes and used a mini roller to paint in the stripes. I only gave them one coat using the chalk paint mix I was using on the chests of drawers and wardrobe* so that the effect is a bit uneven and ‘washed out’ in spots. The old look I was after.

The masking tape lifted up a few small spots of aqua as well, thus giving it an even older, more distressed look…

Oh well, it may not be perfect, but it looks ok… As my mother likes to say “many will see it, few will notice”.

This morning I erased all the darn pencil lines and painted the back all white. One happy accident was the difference in the aqua vs white. The aqua is semi gloss and the chalk paint is matt so the blind now has both colour and texture.

However, this is one adventure I’m not likely to repeat soon. If ever.

I do enjoy painting, measuring not so much. And painting on the floor I can live without.

The difference in the office is amazing.

Take another look at how it was before:
And now:
Much better!
Today I also went a little crazy and added pom poms to half the window.

Why?
Cause I could.
Cause I had the pom poms and didn’t know what to do with them.
The photo sucks, but the pom poms are kinda pretty. As long as you ignore all the bird poop on the window and the view of the garage.

All in all, its been nice to finish something, even though it wasn’t really on the To Do list for this week.

z

* My DIY approach is simple: once you get a paint out and start painting, paint anything and everything you can in that colour while the brush is wet.

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a place for our keys

Once upon a time Wayne had this box in his garage. I think he once told me it was meant to hold a dartboard…

I remember now (hard not to with all the yelling…),

…but I’d forgotten it before I pulled it apart…

Anyway, from the moment I spied it just sitting idly against a wall, I had plans for it. I found it was made of 2 boxes joined together so that their doors opened outwards like a wardrobe.

One day I got inspired and pulled it apart. That’s when he reminded me what it was for.

oops.

Anyway. What was done was done by then. I may as well do something with it to make the destruction worth it, right?
What I saw when I looked at it was a key storage box… a place to keep our keys organised and labelled. (Sorry, no before photos.)

Making into what it is now wasn’t an easy job. When i pulled it apart it had chipboard glued to the inside. REALLY well glued. I ended up taking chunks of timber out when I tried to pry it out using a chisel and scraper. Then I put the sides back so it was a single box with a door even though the inside was awful with all the gauges.

That meant I had to find a backing for it. That’s when inspiration struck.

Ages ago when we visited the guy who we bought timber from for the mud room, I saw all these strips of hardwood he was throwing out. They were the edges of timber he’d trimmed to size. They were the same width but the thicknesses varied. I collected some and they’d been sitting in the carport since I brought them home. I got some out, sanded them, cut them to size, gave them a wash of different colours, then used them to line the box. It gave the box a beachy kind of feel.

Ok… I don’t do beachy… so I had to figure out how to finish the outside of the box so it suited my style but didn’t look out of place with the inside!
The door to the box has a fancy design on it with a name in the middle. Sort of like a wine crate would have… I wanted to keep that somehow, but had no idea as to what I wanted to do with it. I considered painting keys on it, stenciling words… 

I wanted to use keys for the obvious reason. And I remembered the antique keys I brought home from Greece. I wanted to use them on something I’d keep, so why not this?

I experimented with some expendable keys and different glues to see which would work best and then glued the keys on the door. The 3 bigger keys are from Greece, the rest are from my ‘antiqued’ key collection.

I had started painting the box creamy yellow, then brown in a way to make the fancy border stand out, but I just didn’t like it.

I went ahead and painted it in layers of different coloured paints in the sloppiest way I could, till in the end I topped it off in the minty green I’ve been using everywhere else.

Then I distressed it.

Naturally.

The colours in the photos vary a lot, sorry about that. Its cause I took them in different places inside and not outside on an overcast day.

They key box is now hanging in the corner of the office between the window and the wall with the antique map.

It doesn’t have many keys in it yet. I have to sort them out and label them properly so we know what’s what.

One day I plan to be organised.

In this lifetime even.

z

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Beyond The Picket Fence

the new toothbrush holder

You know I hate our bathroom, right?
Its small. Its cramped. It has an unforgivably common vanity. A gold rimmed mirror. White and gold taps. (gag). A gold rimmed standard shower cubicle. A square edged clawfoot tub*. Ugly white and gold plastic towel ‘knobs’. No storage space, and less space to move.
Oh, and not to mention laminate tile sheeting.
Lovely.
One of the worse culprits was the hideous toothbrush holder in mouldy gold and white plastic.
Gorgeous.
I can’t afford to redo the bathroom right now. Though I’d dearly love to. In fact I was planning to, at the very least, remove the clawfoot tub* so there’s room to put in a cute cabinet or two and turn around when you’re drying your hair… but you can’t even get the clawfoot tub out of there without ripping out the shower and vanity!
sigh…
Meanwhile I do the tiny things which make it easier for me to go in there without throwing up.
Like getting rid of the ugly toothbrush holder and replacing it with something kinda nifty.

Like this spiritless spirit level I found at a tip shop. You can’t really see it in the photos but the test tubes and the beaker are painted in cream and white – the bottom cream, the top a white stripe.
I had wanted to do a more dramatic ombre type of thing but in the end I didn’t think I could get a nice effect on the plastic test tubes if I didn’t use spray paint. As it was, I discovered that ‘low tack’ orange masking tape ain’t low tack enough. You can just see the bits of orange pigment/glue left behind.
I figure once the paint has ‘cured’ long enough I can try wiping the residue off with some eucalyptus oil.


Can you guess why I wanted to paint the bottom of the jar and tubes? Yup. You got it. To hide the gunge that always accumulates at the bottom of a toothbrush holder.
And the reason I didn’t paint up as high on the beaker? Cause I liked the numbers showing.
I also whitewashed the spirit level so it wasn’t brown. Nothing I could do about the gold fitting though. I have to live with those. At least I painted the silver clamps white so it wouldn’t clash too much.
One day, when I have a bathroom I actually like, I might change the colours on the test tubes. Till then, this is way better than the ugly thing I tossed unceremoniously in the bin.
z
* I am thinking the clawfoot tub might work nicely as a cooling outdoor bath in summer. Somewhere. Maybe… I’ve always thought it would be great but never had the guts to actually do it.

NOTE: This project turned out to be a fail. The test tubes gather water which becomes mucky and stagnant and stinks. I replaced them with large gauge syringes and it works much better!

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making do and interesting things

 My cousin Zefi’s house in the commune that’s known as ‘Souvlia’ used to be the boat shed and garage. It was built on a slope so the front is a couple of steps down. As a result its darker than most of the houses on Souvlia, but no cooler. In fact, being at the back of the block, with other buildings as windbreaks, it doesn’t get the full force of the wind – great when you want to sit on the porch for a drink, terrible if you want a cool breeze to cool down.

Despite that, Zefi has made it into a gorgeous place. Thanks to her mom’s fossicking, her husband’s good taste and Zefi’s practical mind, the place is pretty, traditional and totally user friendly.

I love her old island couches. I’ve tried to find this type of couch in Australia as its the ideal outdoor couch. Its not so comfy as a living room couch, but so pretty.

I love the big dresser as well, in the traditional dark timber. Zefi’s grandfather on her mom’s side used to be a carpenter and he made some beautiful pieces.


 I love the lace on the shelves inside the glass cabinets.  My aunt Dora has it in her kitchen in her house as well.

 One thing I love to do when I’m here (or anywhere for that matter) is look at shops. I love looking at shops. Sometimes I see things I want to buy, something I see things which inspire me. Whatever. I love to look at shops.

In the market street in Parikia there’s a traditional old homeware/grocery store. Its been there as long as I can remember. They now sell more stuff to tourists than to locals I’m sure, but its the only place I saw one of these:

 Its apparently a dough bowl of some sort. You put the bread dough in it to rise. I find myself needing one of these… I never make bread, but I’m sure I’ll find a good use for it.

I also love these things:

Sieves of all sizes with all different wire thicknesses… from flour sieves to lentil and bean sieves. Pretty cute.

At the other end of the shopping scale are the home decorator stores… not very different to the type of stuff I see in Australia. Still pretty displays and colours though.

Colourful outdoor cushions with jute and bling tassels and fish, naturally.

Burlap mini cushions and a jute string bowl on a lace table runner.

A beautiful simple white bowl.

A rope and sailcloth lamp.

Table centre piece of sea urchins minus spikes, shells and starfish.

I found an antique/second hand shop which has some beautiful things in it but this one was right up my alley: old windows with photos in them.

 

I even found a shop which sells marble things. Like a marble sink… why have a ceramic butler sink when you can have the real thing? And this slab of carved marble which you can put in your garden and run a tap through.

 A tap like this! Isn’t this a beauty?

Or, if you prefer, you can buy marble columns. Cause no house is complete without marble columns.

 

 Of course, there are tons of places which are done up beautifully whether they’re shops or cafes or restaurants. Sometimes its something simple like these fish at a taverna by the sea:

Sometimes its way more elaborate, like the boat/couch at this bar in Parikia.

And these door coffee tables.

There just aren’t enough door or window signs though, like this one on a closed antique shop.

 

And I love this sign on a cafe.

I haven’t been inside many hotels, but the couple I have been into have some interesting items in their lobbies and bars. Like this lamp …

This wooden trough is now a frame for a wooden boat.

Obviously made by the same artist, this boat wall clock at the Paros Bay Hotel.

And a ton of these fishing boats.

This is my favourite. I love the humour in the little paper sailboats.

A couple of little shops in Naoussa, a small town on the other side of Paros, have gorgeous displays. Right up my alley.


 

Closer to home, I found some interesting ways to deal with the small issues life throws at you. This is my uncle’s solution to the wind taking his umbrella along with the small table.

It might take up a bit of table space, but it works.

My fish bowl has a new spot among the shell collection in my aunt Flora’s kitchen.

The oven in the main house has a dodgey door, so the kokones (a name we call the aunts) have found a simple solution.

Aunt Marisa has found a cute way to cover the electricity panel in the hallway using a hand woven mat.

In her house a little down the road, my aunt Dora has a small corner where she keeps her ancient sewing maching, which she still uses, and a few items from her mother’s house.

You can always tell a greek house, cause there is always an icon somewhere in it. I now have my own icon, my very first. My aunt Xeni gave it to me. I’ll have to find a spot in my home for it when I get back. My decor will be shabby-greek…

Love the old irons with the big base to hold hot coals.

z

a quick pinboard

Yes. I’m getting ready for a trip. I’m drowning in grooming appointments, chores, housework (which I’ve successfully avoided so far) and all manner of things hanging over my head with a deadline of June 23.
Yet I can’t help myself.
This morning, between grooming appointments, I finished this pinboard for Wayne’s office space. I don’t know if you remember I moved Wayne’s office into the living room. Some might call it banishment, but I call it relocating him to a space more likely to be used!
(Btw, it looks nothing like in the photos on that post. Its now got a more relaxed look. Some might call it ‘lived in’… I call it plain messy.)
When we first moved to the farm we thought we’d share the office, but Wayne never used it. He’d use the kitchen table… which got old really fast, let me tell you! So I decided I’d create an office space for him in the living room where he could be warm (near the heater), see out through the window to the front yard, watch TV and be near his favourite reading chair. Everything close at hand.
One of the things I used to have in the real office was a bulletin board. I’ve always had bulletin boards in my office no matter where I lived. They’re so handy. I had one in the office here till I bought my gorgeous antique cabinet and had to remove it. It was sitting in the casita for ages. I decided to use about half of it to make Wayne a smaller pinboard for his office space since he really loves having one. The rest of it I think I’ll put up in the grooming room to pin up photos of customer dogs.
I had this old frame but it was an unattractive colour so I sprayed it white. I had considered repainting the pinboard but I left it. Its the same colour as the feature wall at the other end of the living room so its ok. Dark grey. You won’t see much of it once Wayne pins everything on it. 
I think its his entire filing system… 
Anyway, I found the bulletin board material easy to cut with a jigsaw, then I used my staple gun to hold it into the frame. I reinforced it with some wire, and voila!
Meanwhile I wanted something I could put pins in for him. Something cute but big enough for him to get his big manly fingers in easily…
This little old tin belongs to Wayne, no idea where he got it, but its now back in his space, put to good use.
There. One last (??) craft project before my trip.
We’ll see… Maybe the last…
z

good luck bells

In my quest for the perfect home I’ve been doing all kinds of things. Purging stuff I no longer want or need. Giving things away, selling some, re-purposing others.
I want a home thats comfortable, welcoming, a place where I feel I can relax and be myself and where my soul will feel peaceful.
Most of the time I achieve clutter.
Partly that’s due to the fact that I art & craft everywhere, not just in my office.
I have an easel with an unfinished painting on it in the living room, along with the trolley I used to hold my materials. I have a side table and an ottoman acting as a work area and have commandeered one of the armchairs for night time crafting (mainly wiring and beading).
My brain never stops. 
I don’t want it to stop, but I’d like to come into a room and not have the heaps of stuff lying around needing attention: unwashed dishes, unfolded laundry, etc.
I guess there are two solutions to this problem… 1. find myself a wife. Or 2. (probably more achievable) actually make time to do the housework.
But its so boring!
I saw this and thought how perfectly it described my life.
But I digress.
In the quest for the perfect home I started looking at feng shui as a means to an end – the end being a home with a peaceful, fortune-ful and happy atmosphere.
Somewhere in my readings I came across the lucky bells for the front door. Apparently metal bells are best and they need a red ribbon or thread.
Well, I have bells. I have red ribbon.
So last night (when I should have been downshifting my brain in readiness for bed) I started this little project.
Being me, I couldn’t just hang bells on the front door with red ribbon.
No.
I wanted something that said ‘zefi’… something old, something repurposed. Something interesting. And pretty.
I found this old tea strainer spoon thingy amongst my collection of wind chimes paraphernalia.
I created a double bow using two different widths and shades of red ribbon (in case the luck gods were particular about the red), threaded the bells on very fine wire – three lots of three bells (small for the bow and larger for the dangly bits), and for a bit of bling, added a few pearl beads to the strainer.
Now every time our door opens it chimes to bring in good news and luck!
z
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what do the internet and potted herbs have in common?

 I’ve been having some time off blogging.
Some of it was voluntary. I actually made a decision to not blog for a few days last week. Then a couple of other days I didn’t blog cause I was too busy doing other things… like… living.
Then I had some internet connection issues which caused me to mutter under my breath a lot and storm out of the office in disgust repeatedly.
The internet issues are continuing currently but I’m on the netbook, connected to the modem directly via a red umbilical cord. I can’t move from this chair if I want to be online.
At least I’m online, right? It would be better if I could remember my email password so I could log on to my webmail.
That’s the thing when you get too comfortable with your own computer. You set up your passwords in the computer memory (probably a really bad thing if you let others on your computer!) and you log in to sites on a permanent basis. ie no need to actually remember passwords.
Now I have to search for the safe place I wrote my password.
But I may have the situation under control before I need to panic.
See, I’ve been having internet connectivity problems for a while now. A couple of months for sure. Some days it worked fine. Other days I couldn’t log on at all. When it was bad I couldn’t log on to the Activ8me website to get the phone number to call… When it was working fine I would think ‘eh, its ok now, why call?’
Yesterday afternoon I finally snapped and called. I spoke to a nice man in India who said that the only way to get to the bottom of the problem was to disconnect the router and hardwire the computer into the modem direct.
Great. That means only one computer in the house has internet access for the period.
(Guess who’s?)
So I crawl around on my knees, unplugging bits and pieces and plugging other bits in. I won’t bore you with the details, but suffice it to say that step 1 didn’t work. I had to spend a second day, talking to another nice man in India, in order to set up the netbook to actually connect using the red umbilical cord.
Now that’s working. I’ve been putting it through its paces and so far no dropouts.
Step 1 seems to show that the satellite dish is working fine.
Tomorrow I’ll call again and see what the next step is. It could be the router. It could be the little silver box thingy on the modem cable.  Whatever it is,  I have finally gotten someone to confirm my suspicions:
That the satellite dish is interfering with the TV antenna and our reception. 
Sigh.
Why is it that when I say something is a problem I get pooh-poohed, but when someone else says it it makes sense?
Anyway, on another subject entirely, I made these little hanging baskets for outside the casita a few weeks ago and never got around to sharing them.
I used some old colanders I’d been collecting for a while with this project in mind, and some chains bought from the hardware store. I then lined the colanders with hanging basket fibre, added potting mix and put in basil and coriander.
I made one double hanging basket and 2 single ones which I hung on either side of the casita door.
You may have noticed my collection of pot plants below the double hanging basket. I actually I had to move all my pots there to get them out of the worst of the sun before they died.
Notice the barbed wire clover Wayne made me? He called it a flower, but its a four leaf clover. That’s ok by me. I can use the luck!
Anyway, this is how my plants looked 2 weeks ago. Since then the coriander has died and the basil is looking sickly.
I never have luck growing herbs. I don’t know what I do wrong but they just don’t seem to like me much. I give them pretty pots to live in and they repay me by dying.
hmph.
z