Category Archives: ponderings

back to strict restrictions – lockdown 2 day 56

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Apparently we’re back in strict lockdown. Once again.

I didn’t know we’d relaxed… Okay, actually I did notice some shops which had been closed were open again but with very strict limits on numbers in the store etc etc. And curfew went from 9pm to 10pm. Now its back to 9pm curfews and everything closed. Again.

You know, I really don’t get this bulls$%t. I mean are all governments as stupid as this one or is it just Greece?

We seem to be doing a bang up job of the whole COVID19 thing, bouncing around from lockdown to free for all ‘come here for your holidays cause we’re safe’ then back to total lockdown, from restrictions to curfews to whatever.

***(added later cause I knew I’d forgotten something and it came to me late last night): Schools are to open, restricted hours of course, but kids are going to school while shops are to close again from Monday 4 January. These measures are in force till mid January when they’ll look at the situation again. How does that make sense? This yoyo-ing back and forth like we’re playing ‘now you see me, now you don’t’ and restricted opening hours? Obviously corona virus is only contagious between certain hours of the day…

In the first phase of COVID19 Greece was the shining example of what to do in a pandemic. The greek government put the country in strict lockdown, all but necessary business were shut, where possible people worked from home or else didn’t work and the government promised assistance (whether it did or not, I don’t know, I’m still waiting for unemployment benefits since I stopped working), schools were shut down and online schooling was introduced. No curfew but bars and restaurants were closed so there was nowhere to go. And the country had incredibly low COVID19 cases… although, to be fair, not many tests were being done either. Still, very few deaths, especially when you compared Greece to neighbouring countries.

Then, in all its wisdom, the government decided to open borders in order to rescue the economy. So they said they’d allow only people travelling from other green countries to enter Greece. With tests done at the border plus quarantine. Then it was a free for all, everyone could come to Greece for a holiday it seemed, barely any testing or quarantine to be seen. Over summer no businesses did well, everyone struggled, lots chose to stay closed as the cost of being open was more than they would make…

Why open borders at all? Make Greece a shining example of what not to do in a pandemic. Sigh. If they’d just kept borders closed for a full year it would have been so much smarter. Then they wouldn’t have had to lock us down again. Business could have opened and stayed open, people could have gone about their lives with restrictions and care. Is it really better to open places up then shut them down than to keep them open but keep borders closed?

I understand why the curfew – when shops and cafes closed at 10pm in summer everyone would go hang out in large groups in parks and have house parties. So they introduced curfew to stop that. Then we went into full lockdown and all movements have to be announced via sms again, with the appropriate reason for the outing otherwise you just stay home.

Its frustrating.

As you know, I don’t mind it. I don’t go out much anyway though I do miss meeting a friend for a coffee now and then or a drink once a fortnight at a cafe. I’m mostly fine with lockdown, barely even inconvenienced. I have my interests and I live on an island so I can walk on the beach every day. This just seems so fruitless.

Anyway, this has been on my mind today cause I took mom to Parikia to see her sisters and walked and made calls in order to stave off boredom. Everyone I spoke to said the same thing: Why open borders which was always only going to lead to another lockdown? And I felt frustrated for people locked in apartments in big cities, those with health issues who daren’t risk going out, stuck within 4 walls with nothing to occupy them cause not everyone has creative hobbies like I do.

But enough depressing thoughts. Here is progress on my fish project…

I must confess (so you don’t think I’m a genius all the time – I’m only a genius most of the time) I had planned to paint the fish with colours… soft washes of colour like I do on the marble paintings… but it looked hideous so I went with a flat grey colour. I’m ok with that.

I gotta get going now. Eric is using my forearm as a bed and its making typing into a weight workout for my arm.

z

oops i did it again

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I disappeared again.

Partly cause I had a minor existential meltdown. Partly cause the weather was still so good I had to continue swimming while working and attempting to create in my spare time. Partly cause I got lazy.

Mostly cause of the existential crisis.

I won’t bore you.

Let me just say that I have been creating, just very very slowly. I started a couple of sculptures a while back and one is standing still while I work on the other one. And its slow progress. Mainly cause I chose to finish it in fabric, so I have to sew every little bit on by hand. It takes a while.

I think I’ll stick to clay and glue next time. A mix of paper mache and whatever else I decide to add to each piece. I have ideas. Its time and energy I seem to be lacking…

Mind you. I have done a few things in the last couple of silent weeks.

I’ve socialized and been out to dinner and lunch a few times with friends and cousins.

I packed away most of my summer clothes and am still washing to put away the rest. Its funny to think that 2 days ago I was swimming and today I had to carry Lainee to work cause she wasn’t wearing her life vest!

I took down all the winter clothes and boots: hello Blundstones! I’ve missed you!

I cleaned Lainee’s teeth with the tooth scraper I ordered on ebay.

I found a rug I fell in love with, ordered it, was told it was no longer available (twice, from different stores) and called around till I found a store which had it in stock and ordered it again. I should have it next week.

I ordered a rice cooker. I miss my rice cooker. It just didn’t seem worth bringing it to Greece with me for some reason, yet its something I use a LOT.

I’ve been making (and eating) yogurt ice cream. I’m on the last batch before I share my recipe. Cause I’ve been experimenting to make it low fat and non sugar… while still maintaining taste.

I’ve cooked a couple of meals… its something I don’t do in summer and am still not doing as mom is always cooking and giving me food. In fact so much food I often don’t have time to eat it… Today I bought dill so tomorrow I’m making spinach pie. I told mom not to cook for me! I still have beets, fried red peppers and salad in the fridge from yesterday and today!

Moms are great, aren’t they?

I’ve been busy trying to organise some doctor appointments for mom and giving her things she needs now the weather is turning cool. I’ve loaned her my dehumidifier as the damp is bad for her arthritis. My small heater. A wool blanket. Some warm tops. Some warm socks. Some warm legging pants which will hopefully fit her – she’s so tiny now.

I’m still working thankfully. No idea how long for, but still going strong for now. Work while there’s work to do! I’ll be without work till next season soon enough.

Anyway, here is some island colour to brighten up your day since I don’t have much to say. Enjoy.

What can I say? I love the bright flowers and the old doors best!

z

summer days continue

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It’s been the best October ever. Like September used to be. Warm weather, not too hot, no wind at all most days. The sea is still warm and the beaches are no longer crowded. We still have more people on the island than is usual for this time of year, partly cause a lot of people who have houses here and no jobs to rush back to are chosing to remain rather than return to a big city rife with COVID 19 risks. There are also still tourists on the island, though not tons.

My routine continues much as it has all summer. I wake up, walk Lainee, take her to work with me, come home, change into my swim suit and go for a swim. Spend the afternoon doing something while watching Netflix or else doing nothing and watching Netflix.

Twice a week I bring mom up to my place for a visit. Twice a week or so I have lunch or dinner at mom’s. Every now and then I meet friends for a coffee somewhere. This last week Lainee and I had breakfast at an outdoor cafe and on Sunday I went to Alyki with mom for a swim and lunch. Its a little custom mom and I started a few years ago: lunch, just the two of us, at Alyki. A taverna right on the water. Just the way I like to eat: tzatziki, taramosalata, fried potatoes and fried zucchini. Yum.

There is so much uncertainty about almost everything right now. I have work till the end of October for sure, but if we get another big order maybe longer. I just keep turning up till I’m told there’s no more work for me. Then I wait till they’re ready for me to start work again some time next year…

Mom and my aunts are all still here, thinking of staying at least till the end of October. Why go back to Athens and lock themselves up in houses or apartments? Looks like at least half of them will winter on Paros this year. Puts a bit of a crimp on my workshop at my uncle’s place if he’s using his garage…

I’m really hanging out to use my power tools again. I’ve missed them all these months. I have some pallets I want to pull apart and make my shoe storage and the cupboard to keep linen in. Itching to get to work on the antique wooden couch too… at least paint it so its ready whenever I am to finish it off.

Travel is also iffy… my plans to visit my friends in Denmark and Norway keep getting put off to some vague date in the future. First it was to be March, then October, now… Christmas? Christmas in Germany for the markets with my dutch friend was cancelled for this year. Maybe next year… Who knows? If we get hit with another lockdown (entirely possible) I doubt I’ll be going anywhere. I mean, I might be willing to risk myself, taking all precautions while travelling etc, but what about mom and the others once I return? It really sucks.

Anyway, you know I love being on Paros and in my own home, surrounded by my own work, projects and hobbies. The problem isn’t there. Its that I have no idea what the future holds – with things the way they are its impossible to make plans in advance. Everthing is up in the air. And I really don’t like so much lack of direction in my life.

So I’ve made one goal for myself: soon as I stop working for someone else I will start working on my own projects full time. I’ll go back to painting on marble, making mixed media art, making art from trash, sculpture, and whatever else takes my fancy. I might even make a few new dolls. I’ll find a place to work and I’ll start working on projects which require space and power tools.

I might even start cooking for myself on a regular basis again! I made thai green curry last night. Its been so long!

And next summer I’ll plan an exhibition of my work, all the different kinds of things I like to do.

But first I need to find out if I need a registered business to exhibit.

Sigh.

Greek bureaucracy.

Wonderful.

z

speaking of pandemics (and where the hell have I been?)

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I found out the other day that my dad’s grandfather and an uncle died of dengue fever when it hit greece back in 1927-28. Who knew? And obviously, a lot of people were lost during the Spanish Flu pandemic in the early 1900s. I guess we should count our blessings despite all the inconvenience and problems COVID 19 is causing us…

That said, this whole COVID 19 thing is really wearing thin isn’t it? Greece had done so well during the first phase. We had strict lockdowns, you needed to send a text explaining why you were out every time you ventured out of your home. You were only allowed to go out to shop, assist an elderly person, walk a pet or exercise, or go shopping or to a medical appointment.

Then they lifted restrictions and opened the borders.

Welcome to phase 2 of COVID 19. We are now heading back to strict lockdowns as the daily cases rise to levels never seen before in Greece.

Great job guys. Well done. And its not like opening borders helped struggling businesses… tourism was low, too many businesses suffered – so many places didn’t open at all cause the cost of opening was more than they stood to make.

Yet Paros was busy. Okay, perhaps not 2019 summer busy, but busy nonetheless. August only. I rarely went out in the evenings but there were people around when I did, and beaches were busy.

Having become somewhat of a hermit, I’m looking forward to some more quiet times ahead when lockdowns are put in place.

So what have I been doing that’s kept me away from the blog?

Well… in bullet points:

  • I started a job at Yria ceramics and have been working more or less 8am-2pm 6 days a week for the last month.
  • Aunt 1 has been moved to the nursing home on Paros. I went to Athens to pick her up in person. She is very happy and grateful and isn’t complaining a bit. Right. And pigs might fly.
  • I have a tenant in Aunt 1s house and so far all is well with that.
  • The bathroom apparently works.
  • I still have to sort out the issue with the other loser tenant who doesn’t pay his rent till he feels like it. I may have a solicitor lined up to begin proceedings to evict him.
  • I am currently on the mainland, having come here to attend some dog shows in the south of Greece with a friends. Fun was had, awards were won. Then there was an airport strike which only affected 6 airports in Greece… Paros being one of them. So a 5 day trip is now an 8 day trip.
  • When at home on Paros my days consisted of work, accompanied by Lainee, a swim, a rest, Netflix and the odd bit of socializing.
  • And mom. Taking her places, helping her with shopping. Eating the food she prepared for me when I could keep up with it. Thankfully Lainee and the neighbourhood cats helped with that.

So there you have what I did do. What I didn’t do was get online much, hence the silence. I guess I just didn’t feel like I had much to say so I didn’t say anything at all.

Hopefully now the summer season is over things will go back to normal and I can be creative (for myself!) again.

z

its good to be home

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So, as you know, I’m back home now. It feels great to be back in my own place and back on Paros. I’ve been swimming twice and have been sorting and cleaning the house.

Before I’d left for Athens and the shows I’d ordered some cubbies/drawers from Jumbo and I have already put them to use, putting small things in them. The project isn’t finished yet, but here they are in their places in the house.

In the bathroom…
In the bedroom…
In the living room above the sewing machine table, next to the old hotel reception cubbies…
On the bookcase to hold office stuff…

When I say I’m not finished yet I mean I haven’t filled them all yet, plus I’m not sure if I’ll keep them all as they are or paint over the patterns, even just to fade the colours a bit. We will see. For now I think I’ll just make some simple labels so I dont have to open every single cubby when I’m looking for something.

Meanwhile, I’ve checked my plants, they’re all still alive. I do need to get some potting mix to pot up some more cuttings and repot some things. I found a stash of mixed colour and size rectangular pots in the trash before leaving so I want to use them for some of my succulents. I’d rather they were all one colour so I might try painting them… will see how that goes before I pot stuff in them.

I have tons of projects lying around taking up space in my living room but I managed to get rid of a few things…

For instance: the crocs I bought which arrived in the wrong size are now living on a friend’s feet. The foam for the antique Parian couch is now living on my neighbour’s outdoor couch (since the couch frame is still to be painted and will be put into storage till I have space for it). I’ve moved my storage suitcases (which were stacked next to my bed) to the now empty underbed space making them easier to get to and less bulky in the bedroom. I took some stuff to the rubbish cause I won’t use it, don’t need it. And I gave away some succulents I didn’t want…

I haven’t done a ton, but just those few things have made me feel better. I hate clutter and yet I live in a constant state of it given I only have a small place. Back in the old days of four bedroom houses with garages and sheds I could stash my stuff somewhere out of the way and close the door: instant neat and tidy home. Now I have to live with my clutter.

So… I better get to work on finishing some projects I’ve had on the wait list so I can rid of more clutter.

z

paros day 44: just thinking…

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As promised, here is a photo of the two bird cages I found rubbish bin adjacent. Great find! I’m still working on how and where I’ll use them. I think I need a couple more fine ‘leafed’ dangly succulents for them. I’m picturing them on the rock wall behind my place with succulents trailing out of them…

Other than that I had a busy yet non-productive day. I took Lainee and Spitha (my uncle’s dog) for a long walk on the beach. I went for a long drive. I visited a nursery where I bought this pretty succulent for the one of the little nooks in the rock wall:

I also bought another basil plant. This time I went for a much bigger specimen and hope it survives. I’m not re-potting it yet to be sure. I also put it in the shade of the pine tree in case it doesn’t do well in the sun.

Its getting hotter now. Much more like summer is on the way. Walks are best in the early morning or late afternoon.

Its time to take the summer clothes out and put away the winter woollies. That’s something I never really did in Australia. Here in Greece its a bi-annual thing. Its kinda nice cause you see clothes you haven’t seen for 6 months and its almost like you have a new wardrobe.

I’m doing spring cleaning now, a bit of work in the house, a bit in the potted garden.

I was really tired so I took a nice long nap. Again. I don’t think I bounced back after that sleepless night and getting up at 7am the next morning.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about this situation we find ourselves in. Specifically I’ve been thinking about how COVID 19 compares to the Spanish Flu of 1918. The thing is, no matter how much research I do there are no definitive answers or numbers… There’s a huge disagreement on the number of fatalities from the 1918 flu and the deaths attributed to the flu itself or the bad treatment of the disease (aspirin given in deadly doses). Which in turn brings into question the fatality rate… its somewhere between 1-2% depending on who you believe as to the number of deaths all over the world – ie similar to COVID 19…

There’s also the fact that there was a war on in 1918, the disease was spread by soldiers and there were a lot of people living in cramped conditions with poor hygience.

On the other hand we have airplanes and more people travel these days enabling the spread of the virus to all parts of the world much quicker.

If COVID 19 had hit then, would it had killed at the same rate? More? Less? If we had the Spanish Flu now, how would that have affected the world in spread rate and death toll? Would it be similar, better or worse?

Both spread fast. Both can kill. Both are novel so there is no immunity in the population. We still have large populations living in cramped conditions with poor hygience…

One killed young healthy people, the other mainly kills older people or those with underlying issues. One is a flu the other is a sort of pneumonia.

Is it really that different or is the world different?

Its a really interesting subject and one I’m not in the least qualified to answer. I’d love to see experts talk on this subject cause right now, in 2020, we had information on the virus and its DNA mapped within weeks of learning of its existence. We know about personal hygiene and how to keep safe, We know how it spreads and most governments put into effect social distancing, cancelling large group events, shutting down businesses etc in order to slow the spread. We are in a much better position than the world was in in 1918.

If we’d done nothing and just let the virus spread naturally, infecting almost the entire population, overwhelming the health care systems of the world, would we be in the same position as 1918, with tens of millions dead?

I’m not a paranoid type, but I do think about things like that. I know that it can kill, but I’m not overly worried. I figure most of us will get it and recover unless a vaccine is found to stop it.

Maybe that’s why I can’t sleep some nights.

Then other times I’m just too busy building things in my mind to sleep.

z

paros day 30: a month so far…

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And that’s not counting the start of all this. Its from the day I returned to Paros to begin my ‘isolation’ in my own home. Of course restrictions came into effect in stages, but it was 5 days before I got back home that schools closed. Events were cancelled before that, but I think the closure of schools and unis seems like the real start.

Who knows.

I’ve often questioned this whole thing. Like, is it really that serious? I mean, it spreads fast, people get it, most only feel a flu-like illness and get over it. Few die of it, but people die of the common flu(s) every year. And the internet is full of numbers of how many people have died of anything else so far this year and COVID-19 is way down the bottom of the list. Why is this virus so bad? Its not like the Black Death which killed somewhere between 75-200 million people. It killed 30-60% of the world population. Now THAT’s bad. Real bad.

But of course that was before people knew about personal safety, cleanliness or how things spread. And there was no proper management and no medical care to speak of.

Today we have all that. And we have the internet so we can all stay informed on what to do and what not to do.

So why is this being treated like the new Black Death when it so isn’t?

Well… I found this which I think puts it in a nutshell:

For comparison, seasonal flu has a mortality rate below 0.1 per cent but it infects so many people that it results in about 400,000 deaths a year worldwide. Spanish flu infected an estimated 500m people and killed 50m worldwide in 1918-19. Hypothetically, if Covid-19 affected half the world’s current population over the course of a year with a 1 per cent fatality rate, the death toll would be 35m — substantially increasing the number of deaths worldwide, which is around 60m for all causes in a typical year.

And this:

COVID-19 has a much higher infection rate than the flu. Not to mention this is a totally new virus so no one has any resistance to it. And people can spread it without having any symptoms:

“COVID -19 takes up to 14 days for an infected person to develop symptoms.”

Stating COVID-19 has a higher infection rate (2-3) compared to the seasonal flu (1.3), there’s a dramatic difference in their hospitalisation rates.

The hospitalisation rate for seasonal flu is “around two percent”, whereas for COVID-19 this is “19 percent” – no wonder our NHS is at breaking point.

So… I think that puts it into perspective on why we’ve all been put in isolation and told to adhere to strict social distancing guidelines.

Anyway, now that I’ve totally bummed you out, here are some pretty paintings I did today to make you smile.

First is Tiger, my friend Linda’s cat.

Next a cute bunny looking at you, wondering what on earth you’re doing.

A prawn to chuck on the barbie if you’re an aussie. This one wont stand on its own. It needs a stand or to be used like a paperweight.

And dinner tonight: fish. This is on a bigger piece of marble than most. When you pick up broken pieces you work with what you find.

Actually, its not dinner. Today I made smashed potatoes for lunch so I’m not sure what I’ll have for dinner. Probably that toasted sandwich I considered last night.

Before I go, an update on my Netflix viewing cause I know you all care so much… I’m now watching Ozark on my cousin Zefi’s recommendation. I’m really enjoying it. Similar to Breaking Bad in a way, the guy gets in deeper and deeper, but this time he’s not making the stuff, he’s laundering money. Worth watching.

I also watched Retribution which I recommend. And I’m still watching Outlander every couple of weeks. I like to let a couple of episodes accummulate.

Next on the list will be the latest Casa de Papel (Money Heist). Loved the first two seasons of that show. Lets see if the 3rd is as good.

Today has been spent painting most of the day with 2 breaks for walks with Lainee, reading stuff on the internet, FB-ing, making a couple of calls and listening to country music which I had a hankering for. (Been listening to too much country!)

I think its time to go for another walk. I need to stretch my legs…

z

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paros day 21: crafting again

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Today was a much better day. I got up early and Lainee and I went for a long walk despite the strong wind and the threat of rain. That’s always a good way to start the day. Good thing too cause I spent the rest of the day up to my elbows in craft stuff. Poor Lainee had to cross her legs!

This time we walked towards Ag. Irini but it was too windy to go all the way to the sea. We did meet some friends along the way though…

And noticed some gorgeous flowers among the weeds. I’ve never seen one of these before…

Back at home I went back to work on Winston the bulldog for quite a bit. He’s drying at the moment. I’ll update on him tomorrow.

Meanwhile I didn’t waste the day like I have tended to do lately. After putting Winston aside I did some painting which I’ll share when I take good photos. I also tried my hand at some ‘zero waste’ wash cloths.

I was looking at websites about cutting down on waste and thought these little things looked cute. The basic idea is to make your own wash cloths for doing dishes or wiping down benches using scraps you already have instead of buying sponges you throw away. When these get dirty you toss them in the washing machine.

I made these as scrubby washcloths – the back is microfibre and the front is a double layer of burlap I had in my fabric stash. As you can see I had pink in both! It was meant to be… The idea is that the burlap is stiff enough to scrub and the microfibre soft enough to wash. We shall see.

It wasn’t till after I finished them that I wondered why you need to make your own when you can, basically, just wash and re-use the ones you buy…? Whatever. I made these now so I’ll give them a try.

Tomorrow I might make myself some makeup remover pads using some soft cotton if I can find any in my stash.

You have a lot of time to think when you’re at home creating on your own… I’ve been thinking about this whole situation we find ourselves in and I wonder how and when things will get back to normal. The greek government has just extended the isolation restrictions till the end of April. A lot of people are thinking that things will go back to normal after that. Or by summer.

I don’t know… but I very much doubt it.

I mean… just think about this: Greece shut down quickly and has been pretty successful in slowing the rate of infection. So, what’s the plan now? We keep isolating and minimizing exposure and limit the spread till the ‘curve flattens’. Does that mean we keep this up till there are no more new cases? Or till there are under 10 new cases a day? How does that work? If we simply have less cases and we go back to normal, we’re back to square one again in a very short time.

Let’s say the plan is that we lift restrictions once no new cases are reported for a period of time. Say a month. No new cases in a month anywhere in Greece. What then? We all go back to our normal lives cause there are no more carriers or sick people to spread the virus, right? But if one person gets the virus we’re basically back in the same boat again. Do we go back to normal but keep the borders closed till the entire world has no new cases for a month? How does this work? More importantly, how long does that take? And how do we know? Not everyone in the world is tested, and even if they are, doesn’t mean they’re clear forever… they could get it tomorrow or next month. Is there an end to this?

These are the things that keep me up at night.

I need to sleep… Last night I gave up and watched Netflix till 2.30am cause my mind just would not stop.

I hope I have better luck tonight.

z

paros day 16: laziness struck…

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Yesterday was one of those days…

It started off fine. Got up at 8am, Fed the cat, took Lainee for a quick walk, did some yoga, had breakfast, walked to the garage to do another coat on the table.

Then I came home to begin doing something. Anything.

I did another coat of paper on the bulldog, but had no inspiration to start forming the head.

I gave in to the couch and Netflix.

And I ate.

This happens to me now and then. I have bursts of energy which I put into making things, then I crash and can’t motivate myself to wash the dishes.

I struggle with some sort of depression. I just know that ever since I can remember I’ve felt different. I’d get these feelings and put them down to the fact that I questioned life while those around me sort of just went on with it, living the life they were expected to live. For instance, my female cousins all went to school and thought about the day they would marry and have children of their own. I wanted more from life. I didn’t know what I wanted, but I knew there had to be more to life than that for me.

I put it down to thinking too much. I thought it was cause they didn’t think beyond the everyday and truly believed they were happier than I was – they didn’t seem to struggle with any feelings of dissatisfaction or question their place in life like I did.

There were things that happened in my life at that time which may have been the reason I felt like that, but then again, maybe it was always there, in me.

When I was 10 we moved from Australia to Greece, leaving everything I knew and everyone I loved behind. I was 10. Up till then I never saw anyone who lived in Greece. I thought I’d never see the people I loved again. It was devastating.

I hated Greece. I hated everything about it (a feeling that’s hard to get rid of entirely). I went to American, then English, schools. I was greek but I thought in English and was educated in English. My parents expected me to act like the greek girls next door (good greek girls) when I had nothing in common with them. This just made the feeling of not belonging anywhere much stronger. Till I found my people in the punk world – greek kids who rebelled against society’s expectations.

The worst time for me was during art school when I actually went through a phase of not being able to get out of bed during the day and unable to sleep at night. I found I would cry a lot and would feel: ‘I don’t know why I’m so miserable. My life is good, I’m not unhappy, why do I feel like this?’

These were feelings I’ve often had in my life. The tears being just below the surface, or anger… yet nothing was really wrong.

My doctor back then recommended therapy and said it was a hormonal imbalance that could be corrected with pills. I’ve been on ‘happy pills’ for years. I only need a tiny dose, enough to maintain the level of energy I like to have most of the time. But sometimes this low breaks through.

In general, as long as I take my daily dose of happy I’m good. I sometimes have low days but they’re not rock bottom low where I cry for no reason. I maintain a sort of balance where most of the time I’m content and inspired to do things. Just sometimes the call of wallowing on the couch becomes too strong to resist. Hence this post is a day late.

I try not to feel guilty about wasting time but its hard to not beat myself up about it. Its different to days where I chose to take it easy and sit on the porch and read or have a nap, its more of a destructive type of wallowing where I eat junk cause I dislike myself.

It has nothing to do with the lockdown. I love being home, surrounded by things I love. I love doing my own thing. Yes, I’m very social so I do miss having a coffee with friends, but its not the be all and end all of my life and I still talk to friends every day.

I just have to find a way to never let this feeling go beyond one afternoon. Its not how I want to live or who I want to be.

Its 9.30am. Time to get up and get out for a walk, give the table another coat of paint, start working on something, anything.

And stop eating junk.

z

 

what a year 2019 was

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Inside a small cafe near Ermou Street in Athens.

December 23, 2018 I came back to live in Greece. A year ago at this time I was right where I am now. In Athens. A year ago next week I went to Paros to begin my new life there.

2019 was a big year. So was 2018 of course since that was the year I decided to move back to Greece and had to sell everything I owned… but I’ve been thinking about how much my life has changed in one year.

Same cafe, gorgeous decorations.

So much has happened in a year. Most people tell me I’ve achieved tons though I always expect more of myself and I tend to focus on what I haven’t achieved. Still, I figure I should be grateful for everything I have done in that time.

I found work. More than one job in fact. I’ve become known as a good groomer by word of mouth. I bought my own piece of Paros to call home. I’ve made great friends and I’ve spent time with family. I got a poodle to warm my heart. I joined the animal welfare organisations on Paros and have helped animals in need. I’ve been adopted by a cat. I’ve done some of my own work and made things to sell. I bought a car. I’m learning to live in Greece. I’ve set up an art class to start this coming year.

Little Kook is a work of art. Three shops, owned by the same person, an entire street decorated for each season.

Sure, there’s still a ton of things to do. To work out, to decide upon, to set up. A workshop/studio for one thing… sigh. I miss that most of all. Having a dedicated space I can go out to to work on making anything I feel like.

But the possibilities for life here are endless… with all the choices and decisions I’m feeling overwhelmed and (to coin a friend’s expression) I’ve been ‘lost sheeping’ a lot. Which means I stand in the middle of a room thinking ‘what do I do now?’

However, all in all, its been good to come back to Greece. Mom is so happy to have me near by, or living at home as I am now while I’m in Athens. She’s always cooking my favourite meals. Its nice to have my mother near and I like to see her happy.

A local cafe bar called Button. Of course.

I miss Paros and can’t wait to get back to my home and friends, but to be honest, I’m also enjoying my time in Athens. When the weather isn’t too bad I go into the city center and wander around. Its amazing down there.

Elize, a cafe full of flowers.

One of the things the greeks do best is the cafes… We have great cafes in Australia sure, but here they are inspired! They do the ‘themed’ cafes so well. And they are always packed despite charging 7e or more for a slice of cake. Unbelievable. I went out yesterday and ate a meal in Psiri for 20e for two people, then a cafe for a small cappucino and cake for 2 people and paid 23.30e. Highway robbery. And yet, the places are always full.

Pink and red cakes.
Even pink cappucino.

Life in Greece is contradictory. So many homeless. Crime. Yet people enjoy their lives and somehow can afford to go out as well. Beats me how they do it, but they do.

Anyway, I’ll leave it at that today. I had planned on writing more and sharing more, but I can’t concentrate with all thats happening in Australia right now. My heart is aching for all the animals lost and all the people who lost everything they own…

z